"I LOVE MY BODY"

...or so society tells me I have to think this. In this new age of body acceptance, we are told that we are to accept how are bodies look & LOVE it! I get it, I really do. As a mom of an 11 year old girl and a 14 year old boy, I want my kids to have a healthier image of themselves than I did when I was young. I hated my body back then, because people told me I wasn't enough. I wasn't skinny enough, I wasn't tall enough, my boobs weren't big enough, etc. I look back at pictures and I'd give anything NOW to look as good as I did. 

My kids have great little bodies, but even they feel the pressures of society and wish they were skinnier.

"I love my body" is the biggest lie I could tell myself. Why do people force that down our throats, especially when it's, alot of times, the furthest thing from the truth.

Why should I love something that betrays me more often than not? Why should I celebrate a body that can't even digest it's food properly? Why should I be proud of the fact that my skin is so sick, it keeps me up all night in pain? Why in the world would I love this vessel when it can't follow the rules of nature and do what it's supposed to?

WHY?!

I hate this body, most days. If I'm being honest. It's gross and naughty.

But then I remind myself, it's strong. It housed & birthed 2 special souls. It has sustained my life through things I've never thought I'd get through. It can still complete a workout(no matter how much it retaliates against me).

I look in the mirror & see this broken body staring back at me.

But that's just it, isn't it? It's STILL staring back at me. It hasn't COMPLETELY failed me yet.

So I should love it, right?!

(HA! I wouldn't go that far...)

Let's just say I'll ACCEPT it.

And isn't that truly what "Body Acceptance" means?

This Is A Public Service Announcement...

No, seriously! It is. 

As I sit here way too early, AWAKE, at 3-something on Mother's Day!

It's Sunday! Not a school morning where I have to get my son up for the early bus.

Bone pain. Two little words for a big pain in the butt. I've never had it, until I let someone else take control of my health. 

A year ago....I let a man talk me into believing he could totally fix me. A Chiropractor.

I did the initial interview....pretty much letting him know I was allergic to life(or so it seemed). He was so confident he could fix about 80% of my issues. WOW!!! AMAZING! After almost 7 years(at that point) of suffering, that sounded like a miracle.

I went to MANY sessions...3 a week at first, then 2 a week. I was told my spine, hips & skull were all severely out of alignment. Makes sense, since I had a childhood injury where I twisted my neck in an "S" shape. I also fell at work, smashing my head on concrete when I was pregnant with my oldest.

I let this chiropractor crack & snap & knock my body around, thinking I was on my way to healing. 

Little did I know each of those manipulations was sending more & more histamine into my body, overloading my already full body with more of what I didn't want.

I stopped going after 2 months because we ran out of money to pay him in cash. Thank God because I'd be so much worse if I continued to go.

I now suffer from horrible lower back pain that keeps me awake at night. If I sit down, everytime I get up, my hips get shooting pain in them. If I turn at my waist, pain shoots up my spine & feels like I pulled something. With all the skull plate knocking he did, the overload of histamine in my head has started this scary cycle of constant hair fall. And my most "fun" issue I've been left with is dyshidrotic eczema. 

For the last year....yes it stinks my hair is falling out, but my fingers have been blistering up with clusters of hundreds of tiny fluid filled holes under my skin. They pop, open, ooze, peel, crack open & start all over again....and again.

Let's get down to the root of the problem...

The act of manipulating bones, causes our body's mast cells to degranulate(burst open & release histamine, among other things)

People who already have an overload of histamine in their bodies, or mast cell diseases....BEWARE! I wasn't diagnosed at the time, but when I told the chiropractor how allergic I was to everything, that should have set off alarms for him to not touch me! Obviously, some practitioners aren't staying current with diseases & such, but they should be aware that when they manipulate people's bones, they are releasing histamine. Even the act of digestion creates a release in histamine in our bodies(the reason why I can't comfortably eat solid food now)

I wish I never would have let anyone touch my body.

The damage is done & I have to live with it, but if I can help atleast one person avoid the damage....stay away from chiropractors! Be your own activist....care for your fragile body.

Even if you're not diagnosed yet....if you seem to be allergic to everything....stay away from chiropractic adjustments. I realize they help some people, but if you are like me....you are better off keeping your crooked body. ;)

I would give anything to have my separated skull plates, twisted hips, and wavy spine back. LOL!

Diagnosed!

So, after 7 long years, I was finally given a name to all my "issues". And really it was only by chance. I stayed away from the doctors office all year until September 2nd because, truthfully, I was sick of hearing that I was normal, just overly sensitive. All the specialists wanted to do was put me on anti-depressants. I KNEW that was not going to help me. But this summer, my hair started falling out in large amounts. I put up with it for 2 months, but when my volume was decreased by a third, I decided it was time to see if there was some sort of malabsorption or deficiency. I can only handle 4 food items at the moment so I figured that was the case. My doctors answer was it may be hereditary or it may be a side effect of my low dose birth control(which I use for hormonal balance). I really, really hated hearing that. But in passing, I mentioned a full back rash that doesn't respond to cortisone creams(or anything else for that matter). I normally wouldn't mention rashes because I literally have them all the time. It's just me....the itching queen! ;)

But I had noticed that the rash gets worse when i would cheat & eat some fruit blended up in my smoothie. I just had a feeling I should mention it. My doctor asked how long it's been there. Well, FULL back...for 7 months. He typed away at his computer & asked if I'd be willing to get a punch biopsy. Well, sure, as long as I'm not made to get another colonoscopy or a giant tube down my nose into my throat(AWAKE!) then I'm game. I had to wait a week....then got a chunk taken out from behind my armpit(which with novocaine was painless even with stitches). 

Waiting is the hardest but honestly I've gotten so many tests done that come back normal...I had no hopes for any kind of answer. 

I got one though........

Systemic Mastocytosis!

I was teary leaving the office...I didn't really know how to feel, finally having a name after 7 years, but not really liking the name I heard. It's rare, which means scientists & pharmaceutical companies aren't doing the kinds of research they are for other more well known conditions. Which means not alot of options in treatment & no competitive pricing. My pharmacy called & said they weren't ordering it unless I'm okay with the $700 price tag for a 24 day supply. 

Yeah...NOPE!

So back to the drawing board....but this time with a clear direction.

Crazy thing is....I've prayed for answers each time I had tests done, but this time, literally, cried out to God, wanting to know if I was WORTH an answer. It was a feeling of helplessness, wondering if my journey was even meant to end while im still here on earth. I feel thankful & blessed it was THIS time that I got His answer. I AM worth an answer! I know nothing is easy, and I have benefited spiritually from my trials.

I'm blessed & happy I can keep my smile on my face, knowing there is someone watching over me & my struggles.

What being an Introvert means to me....

Most people see me as antisocial. I have been called snobby, judgemental, old fashioned,etc. I do not hate being around people. Yes....I'm guilty of being a coffee SNOB(Starbucks , please....Dunkin can suck it!). And I probably am a tad judgemental, but I think we all are to some extent. Old fashioned is a term used for me because of my Christian values....So I'm okay with that one. 

What I really am is introverted. 

Personally....there's way too much drama when it comes to "hanging out" with people. I prefer as little drama as possible from outside sources, cuz I have alot handed to me from within my own family. I also think that introversion(is that even a word?! if not....you get what I'm saying, right?) can change in intensity when our lives around us change. I always kept to myself & was most comfortable, as a kid, when I was alone or with my dogs. Then when I had kids, I was able to be a bit more social, for their sakes. Then about 7 years ago, when I got sick, I NEEDED to stay close to home most of the time. 

Let's get this straight....I don't LOVE being introverted. It's lonely most of the time. I've lost most of my friends BECAUSE of it & the lack of understanding people have for someone like me. Don't get me wrong....I KNOW I'm not a bad friend. I'll give all of myself & help whenever I'm needed. I won't however ASK for help in return, so I think that is a turn off to some people.
My hubby is an extrovert...he thrives on being around other people. This fact leads us to live separate lives. I see the girls that he sometimes hangs out with and it makes me sad & a little self conscious that maybe he would prefer I were like them & not like me.
I don't want to turn people off, but because I'm a bit misunderstood, that's what happens. If I could, I would choose to be less of an Introvert.
But for the time being I will retreat into my world of books and sewing machines.
Come join me, if you're brave!  ;)

Looking Back...

It's almost the end of 2013...and I sit here thinking about what has happened this past year. I had a diagnosis finally, to one of my many health issues! WHAT, you say?! Yessiree! I got really sick back at the end of March. I couldn't eat solids or else I'd be miserable. That went on for a couple weeks & I lost 15 lbs. Then I caught my first stomach bug in my life, from my sweet Bella. I'll spare you the details, but I then couldn't eat ANYTHING for days, so I went to the doctor. He immediately referred me to a surgeon to get an endoscopy. That was one of the worst consults I've ever had. He sat there and pretty much told me he didn't know why I was there and that an endoscopy wouldn't help me. I almost cried & it took all I had in me NOT to. I still don't really know what changed his mind but he finally agreed to  the procedure. I struggled through another week of not eating and feeling sick, and then had my endoscopy. I woke up, in & out of consciousness and heard the surgeon telling me I had bile reflux & acid reflux. I saw a picture of my esophagus with bright lime green liquid in it. He gave me some packets of cholestromine and told me this would fix everything. If you've ever taken this, you know it's like drinking sand. Well, guess what? Surprise, surprise, I was allergic! I was covered head to toe with a rash....

So I started a couple months of different pill combos to see if I could treat the bile reflux(which is worse than acid). In the meantime I had some blood work taken & all came back normal except my vitamin D level was supposedly too high. I found this hilarious since I stay inside away from sun because I rash up from it. I also have a very unbalanced diet due to my issues...so I was confused. The nurse told me to stop taking any supplements with D in them. I told her that my multi has D in it and she informed me that there were tons of multi' s without D. So I went on a search for a D free multi. Guess what, I found 1 very expensive one that was a pressed pill(which I can't take because they pass through me unabsorbed...what a waste)

So I stopped taking a multi. About 2 weeks later....

The diarrhea monster reared it's ugly head.

It kept getting progressively worse over the weeks. I called the doctors office and was told that I was prone to that, right? But they
 finally agreed to test my poop for bugs and stuff. I also had blood work drawn too. My doc said I'd have to get another colonoscopy!!!! I asked him if I could just go back on a multi, because that's the only thing that really had changed. He told me that vitamins are just a scam, made up by the pharmaceutical companies. But, he said, do whatever. I started taking my multi again and guess what?! Within 3 days, I started to become more normal in the bathroom! I knew it.......

I wish I would have just ignored doctor's orders because it would have saved me 2 months of suffering and my kids could have enjoyed their summer, rather than staying home because of me. 

I saw an endocrinologist in the midst of all that who told me I was normal, just that I was more AWARE of my body & it's workings. He said other people feel the same as me but don't realize it. REALLY?! 

He ended up running some tests just to appease me & he called me personally, telling me that I actually DO have something wrong with me, that my C- reactive protein was elevated. He told me it'd be hard to figure out why though...

Moving on....

My regular doctor referred me to a closer gastroenterologist, so it'd be easier to get to(only 1 hour instead of over 2!)

I saw him twice....and I will never go there again.

He doesn't believe there is such a thing as bile reflux, that everyone has bile in their stomachs. I'm not even a doctor and I know that our pyloric valve at the base of our stomach opens enough to let food out but closes to keep bile out and prevent backwash. He tried me on acid reflux pills(2), but they messed me up more. He got mad when I didn't call him back to get new meds. I told him how I was super sensitive to chemicals and that I was interested in the stretta procedure, to keep bile out of my esophagus(which by the way is getting more damaged as the days pass...it has ruined my singing voice and caused all kinds of weird growths. Esophageal cancer is constantly in my thoughts...)

He told me no way.....and that I need to try more acid meds. I refuse to do that, not only because the side effects, but PPI's, do more harm than good in the reflux battle. 

Again....moving on...

I go see my doctor for a messed up ankle, as I leave I mention the stretta procedure. He tells me he'll look into it because he wants to help me get some relief. I get a call the next day, personally from my doc! He says that there is a new minimally invasive procedure that they are performing in my state! 

The LINX procedure.

He told me to look it up & that'd he'd refer me.

A light at the end of one of my long tunnels! 

I am going January 13th to see the surgeon...yes, I'm driving over 2 hours, but with hopefully help for the weary.

I tell you what.....if I didn't believe & trust that God has my back....these past 6 years and 4 months would not have even happened. 

Pain, sickness, and discouragement, can do a number on one's head. I am reminded on a daily basis that God is good and I'm truly & thoroughly blessed.

I am looking UP & ahead to healing in the new year!!!!

POOP Shouldn't Be Considered A 4 Letter Word!

*Gasp* I said POOP!(and I'm over the age of 5!)
This word brings us to the beginning of my story.
I was born 3 days before christmas back in 1977, weighing in at a sad 7lbs. 7oz.(this is coming from a mom of a 9lbs. 11oz. baby!LOL!).
Even my mother used to tell me as a kid, that I slipped out like diarrhea.  Yeah, thanks mom!(my sister had been 9lbs. 8oz!)
My first 19 months of life were surrounded by diarrhea.(if you're squeemish you should stop reading this right now and go surf for that new pair of pants you've been wanting!)

My mom said I used to go, sometimes more than 10 times a day(more often than not) and it would be up my back and down my legs.  Nice picture, right?!  And my saint of a mom did cloth diapers! At the age of 1 year I weighed in at a whopping 12lbs!!!
Now seriously, people...poop should not be as taboo of a thing as it is.  We all do it(they even have a book about everyone pooping!), even those "untouchable" famous people poop.  Our poop can tell ALOT about our health.  The first thing your doctor should ask you when you see him is "How are your poops?"
I would say(and i'm totally guessing here...) that ALOT of the people you come in contact with on a daily basis have poop issues.  It's not as uncommon as you'd like to think.

In my house, they sometimes jokingly refer to me as the "poop doctor", since I am totally on top of everyone's habits.(that's a slight lie, since my hubby is not included, but that's another story for another day!LOL!)
Yes, people...I check my kid's poops.  EVERY TIME!  I even recently started a little notebook for each kid, cuz let's be honest, they kept forgetting whether or not they went, and if it was enough.  The problem is, it's not "no big deal" if you don't go....it can do some real damage to your body.
So yeah...I'm obsessed. 
Are you still reading?(I bet I lost about 3/4 of the readers already!)
So this is where my current health "issues" started....5 and a half years ago, I just started in with chronic diarrhea and nausea.
It was like a switch was flipped, not gradual....just all of a sudden.  I went 2 straight months without seeing a doctor, and finally told my hubby that I needed to be brought in to the ER for fluids.  I went, they took some tests, and yes....samples. They then scheduled me to see a gastroenterologist.  I then go through more tests, and a colonoscopy.(yeah...not fun...seriously! I will spare you the details!)
Mr. gastro doctor tells me it's IBS and to take a tablespoon of Metamusil once a day and I'd be fine. *BIG LAUGH inserted here!*

Whatever buddy....try again....
I spent the next, well, let's just say...up until the present...so 5 and a half years researching my own solution.  I have done elimination diets(no difference), taken all kinds of strains of probiotics(which by the way bind me up like a crazy person!), and tried all sorts of digestive enzymes(a little difference, but my body always gets used to something and then it no longer works.).

I have learned what works for the moment, as it's always changing, since my body seems to morph it's symptoms into new ones every so often.
I am now on the other end of the spectrum, due to some unfortunate run-ins with some nasty blood pressure meds.  After 5 different ones, that never really controlled my high BP, my digestive system has slowed to a stand still at the moment.  I was off BP meds for a  year and sadly, was put on a new one 3 days ago.(and that's a whole other story, you'll hear about later.)
So take a moment out of your busy life...check your poops and be honest with yourself....are they "normal"?  Chances are they aren't and they could be trying to tell you something about your health.
As a child, it took my parents those first 19 months of my life to find SOMEONE who could help them figure out what my problem was.  After finally going to Children's in Boston, they told my parents it was a fat absorption problem and to feed me fat before each meal.  I came to LOVE butter and peanut butter.
What my problem is now...no one knows....we're still working on that.

Be more aware of what your body is telling you, it could be as simple as just LOOKING down the next time you visit the bathroom.

Why I Want To Do This...

My purpose in starting this new blog is to try to share my experiences in life, mainly with my health(and maybe a little of my family), to hopefully gain some understanding of why we go through some of the struggles we go through while we're here.  I also would like to share what I have experienced, and share what other's have experienced, and how we learn to cope.  My hope is that we can all help each other, by maybe gaining new knowledge about what actually goes on in our bodies and also new skills to deal with life's challenges.

So bear with me as I slowly put my thoughts to print.