The Baby Name Game!

I'm not sure if this is difficult for all couples, but my husband and I had a particularly hard time agreeing on 2 names this time.

Hubby likes traditional & I prefer names that are unique, that not everyone else has.

I'm not announcing the final choices publicly, but a select few know.

But I was laying in bed at 3am...........thinking(that's my "philosophical hour").

This poor baby does not know it, but it is in hostile territory.

It's floating quietly in the "dead sea".....oblivious to the fact that it is surrounded by pain & suffering.(And that's only ME, not the mess OUTSIDE me!)

This baby' s "house" is chronically ill, has high blood pressure, asthma & was built in the 70's! Yikes!!!!

See?! Hostile territory!

So I'm laying there thinking...."Man...this kid is a little warrior!"

This baby is fighting, just to survive.

I wish I could put one of the names to this little warrior.

But as I was thinking that, I realized....both names we chose are types of warriors. Both of them, fighting their oppression.

So until I can announce who is officially inside my hostile environment....

this little baby will be known as:

My Little Warrior!

But wait.....symbolism is not lost on me(ahem....Mrs. Clancy....I swear I learned something in your English class!)!

The "Dead Sea", while being a hostile environment, is also very healing and soothing to people with skin ailments.

I too, while being a hostile environment, am also filled with hope, love & faith, which are very healing. If my little warrior can survive this first "quest" for life....great things are waiting on the other side!

What It Means To Walk By Faith!

It's been a long time since I wrote a post, but I feel like this needs to be said.

I am pregnant.

My last pregnancy was almost 13 years ago and I'll be 39 in 2 months.

I also have systemic mastocytosis, high blood pressure & asthma.

I have had a few people question me on my pregnancy.

To some people I may seem crazy or stupid or selfish.

They do not know the whole story.

I believe in God. I believe He has a plan for all of us.

That plan rarely looks like we think it should. 

But I am a firm believer in going where He leads me. It has been a hard journey but greatness has come out of it.

So who am I to question his motives.

Some of you know I have a son with Aspergers.

We have struggled for a long 10 years of anger, depression, fighting & panic. There is NO WAY in those years, that I could have had the time & energy for any other child.(But none of this ever crossed my mind because I was perfectly satisfied with ONLY 2 kids.)

After much growing(on my part), my son & I are now very close. Something I am very happy about. He is a blessing and I would not trade all those years of struggle.

Since then I have been bombarded with a "feeling"...more like someone "pushing" me, to want another child. This is insanity, and people close to me know I'm not baby crazy & never have been. It was this still small voice I kept hearing. I could only think one thing. God never placed this desire on my heart before, because my son needed all my attention. Except, NOW....seemed so ridiculous! Why would God lead me in this direction when He knows full well, I'm not in a good place with my health AND I'm getting old!

I was bitter....and I DO mean bitter!! 

How dare he.

The voice never went away...it only got stronger.

So I finally decided I'd follow WHEREVER he leads me.

My hubby wasn't so sure, but he trusted in MY faith.

This journey to get here was not easy either.

It was definitely a test of faith.

Going off continuous hormones, has been rough on my mastocytosis symptoms & each month I got sicker & sicker, but I was not going to lose my faith.

In June, I suffered from a blighted ovum and miscarried. I was discouraged, and was ready to leave that path & take the easy way out & go back on hormone replacement so I could feel "good" again.

But that small voice got louder...."follow MY path".

So come August, when I got that positive test finally....I knew I was on the path that God laid out for me.

It is not easy and will be harder and harder, but I KNOW I am walking by faith and I will continue to do so for as long as I breathe.